Mapping Me

18 Jun

I never set out to have wanderlust. As a child we moved a couple of times a year and I resented not having settled in one place long enough to watch the tree planted years ago and crayon height marks on the door frames. As an adult, I left and began moving again. There was New York, Pennsylvania, Massachusetts, Florida and Rhode Island. Never settling in one place long enough to regard anything as home.

Moving is upon me again. Instead of feeling sad, I feel a certain freedom. I can literally move anywhere if I really wanted to. I do not need to return to my family and try to reestablish familial ties. I can go anywhere. Yet, where do I go?

As I look at the map, I feel overwhelmed with choices. I think of my daughter’s future and my happiness. Where will I find contentment and feel like a place is home? I want to pick a place and claim it as my own, and yet, I see the things that make up my life and think they could be placed anywhere. There is a certain comfort to where you live and if you need to be surrounded by quiet and trees.

I’m looking at this map and I’m being drawn in a direction and it feels right. Will it be the last place I land? I can’t say. I only know I have friends who will be with me no matter where I lay my head. It feels like I’m moving toward something. Toward the real me, the one who has been hibernating for years. I might not get there right away, but I have a map.

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9 Responses to “Mapping Me”

  1. Emmanuel Ibok June 18, 2010 at 6:47 pm #

    This is beautiful because I live quite a similar life. I have always been moving from when I was ten. I really enjoyed the part where you said “I see the things that make up my life and think they could be placed anywhere”

    This was an interesting post and will really be appreciated by those that share same life. Like me.

    Lovely work…Cheers!!!

    • Cold Dead Heart June 18, 2010 at 9:52 pm #

      Thank you…maybe being nomadic makes you creative as a survival skill. Look forward to reading more of your work.

  2. pinoytransplant June 18, 2010 at 9:37 pm #

    I agree, home is where you make it to be. Since being transplanted from the Philippines 16 years ago, I have changed my address 11 or 12 times. I lived in New Jersey, New York, California, Florida, and now Iowa.

    • Cold Dead Heart June 18, 2010 at 9:57 pm #

      Wow, so you’ve changed countries and a lot of states. Kudos to you.

  3. D.S. Lear June 19, 2010 at 2:23 am #

    well mapped out thoughts..

  4. Cold Dead Heart June 19, 2010 at 2:38 am #

    Thank you ūüôā

  5. westernqueensland June 19, 2010 at 7:26 am #

    I never moved too much,
    But stability was a daily wild-card:
    Thanks for your honesty
    Glad to be alive today

  6. tracyisjustsayn June 26, 2010 at 12:06 am #

    I have lived within a twenty mile radius my entire 47 years…and I’m feeling like it’s time to fly. The sunset is tugging at my soul…Thanks for reminding me to get my passport. Just Say’n

    • Cold Dead Heart June 26, 2010 at 12:52 pm #

      Go to Europe…I did and I’ve never regretted the life changing moments I had there. Thank you for your comment.

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