Dear Daddy

20 Jun

I’m more like you than I like to admit….

As your present let me first apologize for the following:

1.  The how long until dad says change the subject game – you had to endure long car rides of your daughters saying words like vagina, condom and orgasm all in a cruel attempt to fluster you into demanding we change the subject.  Yes, we took bets and giggled uncontrollably and it was wrong.  Oh so wrong.

2.  The get dad to choke on his tea game – there were many dinners when you dared to come home and I asked you about tattoos, birth control and uttered the word penis several times in an attempt to get you to choke on your drink.  I realize this was probably dangerous no matter how funny it was.

3.  The forged suspended from school practical joke – In hindsight, I realize how jarring it might be to get a call at work from your hysterical wife declaring your daughter had been suspended from school for attempted fornication in the boys restroom.  No matter how humorous it was to me at the time, I can see why this might not have been to you.  Mom didn’t think it was very funny either.  But looking back, it’s a little funny…right?

4.  Making fun of your ability to remember the name of any movie – It was mean when you requested to watch a movie on the living room television to demand you name it correctly.  In that you never could, it wasn’t exactly fair.

5.  Waiting until you turned the cable box onto a dirty movie late at night and then making several fake bathroom trips so you had to quickly change the channel  – I apologize for this, but it was really entertaining.

6.  The entire years from 13 to 18 – being a teenager was difficult.  Being the father of a teenager was hellacious.  There were inappropriate boys with cars sniffing around the house like dogs in heat.

7.  Any and every dent and flat tire on the car.  Thank you for showing me how to change the oil, but I never changed it after that day.  Sorry for the screaming match and tears all for naught.

8.    Hamster carnage – I do realize it was my idea to introduce the two hamsters to each other.  I also realize the blood, screaming and fainting that occurred after could have been avoided had I not had that idea.

9.  The dares – yes, even at my age it’s still silly to dare my sister to do disgusting or inappropriate things when the entire family is together.  I’m a work in progress, so this may take a few more years to change.

10.  Making fun of your politics – even if you’re wrong and obviously in the first throws of Alzheimer’s because no one can be that much of a dumbass.

Most of all – sorry for giving you a heart attack probably attributable to all the things listed above.

Thank you for loving me despite the torture and always being in my corner even if I was slamming a door in your face.  Thank you for matchbox cars and towns made out of popsicle sticks and morning surprises of bunny rabbits.  Thank you for laughing inappropriately with me.

Thank you for being man enough to be the kind of father every daughter would be lucky to have.


One Response to “Dear Daddy”

  1. wQueens7 June 20, 2010 at 5:58 am #


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