Unmitigated Loathing

27 Jul

I dislike anger

The most useless emotion of them all

I don’t seethe

I vent

I bargain

I let go

I try not to bury resentment

But where do you store it?

I have this unmitigated loathing right now

Not because of a wrong done to me

But to someone I love

It’s not a slight

Or an insult

But a deep psychological wound she never asked for

It’s hard to watch

Helpless

Wanting to make things better

But I can’t

So I feel it

That emotion I’ve deemed unworthy of my time

That anger

Seering and blinding

The kind that makes your teeth clench

and your stomach ache

and you begin to hate yourself

Because you want to let it go

To rise above

But it taunts you

Reminds you daily

Oh yeah

I need to fix that thing

and hate him

Resent his selfishness

Scorn him

Simmer with revulsion

All the negative things I want to cast away

Then I remember

He doesn’t care

My hatred has no effect on him

It’s wasted

And I’ve already wasted so much on him

So I stand the unmitigated loathing in the corner

Can see it out of the corner of my eye

and shake my head at it

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4 Responses to “Unmitigated Loathing”

  1. John S. Duffy July 27, 2010 at 8:03 pm #

    Tis worth a read-again. I like it. Can’t exactly lay my fat finger on the “Why?” but I do.
    Thanks.

    -John.

    • Cold Dead Heart July 27, 2010 at 11:00 pm #

      lol…thanks John…glad you and your fat finger enjoyed it.

  2. Kavita July 27, 2010 at 9:40 pm #

    I knooww.. it’s just a wasted emotion! The one you waste it on, never really cares… so what’s the point anyway?!
    A brilliant poem… an eye-opener of sorts actually! Makes you wonder why on earth DO we get angry, and have all those pent up feelings of spite and irritation within us?
    A poignant read!

    • Cold Dead Heart July 27, 2010 at 11:00 pm #

      Thank you Kavita…it’s so hard to put aside that anger isn’t it though…so easy to write that you will..so difficult to actually do it. I guess it’s one of those things you have to will away…

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