Along Came A Spider……

12 Dec

I’ve been debating what to write next as my life hurls around me.  I just returned from a business trip, and I had a mailbox of emails from my blog.  Some of the questions I’m asked or the comments made are so funny and biting, I responded as always and had to share.  I will not publish the names, but you know who you are.

You’re cute.  I like the red streak.  Will you publish semi-nude photos?  (This one is my favorite)

I charge a fee for semi-nude photos, you can’t just give it away anymore.  Mail me a check for $59.95 and you’ll have all the cleavage you can stand.  Of course, I require semi-nude photos in exchange which I will retain all publishing rights.  I also retain the right to comment, heckle and subject you to humiliation in this public forum.  Buyer beware.

Why do you hate your mom so much?  Do you still talk?

I don’t hate my mom.  I dislike the drama she inflicts upon everyone and her inability to seek the help she needs.  I’m exhausted by her martyrdom and her refusal to take responsibility for her life and the mistakes she continues to make.  I have a tough time stomaching her victim mentality and her insistence everyone needs to take care of her.  Hate is not a word I like to use except in reference to liver and baby seal clubbers.  We still talk, but my resentment is evident.

Has your mother ever read your blog?

To my knowledge, she hasn’t.  I’d like to think there’s nothing published here I have not conveyed in some way to her in person.  I do not use my blog as a forum to bash my mother.  I write about whatever crosses my mind, and I like to relive my history which has made me the person I am today, good or bad.  She was a huge part in shaping my personality and I alternatively thank and resent her for it.

You are such a self involved brat who should be ashamed of airing your mother’s dirty laundry.

Touche’.  Probably right.  Blogging is a self-involved activity which can be used for both good and evil.  I just call ’em like I see ’em.  It’s easy not to read it.

Do you consider yourself a happy person?  Some of your stuff is dark and sad.

I do consider myself a happy person.  There were years of not being happy and choosing to be numb to the life I was leading.  Over the last two years, I have had things happen which forced me to reevaluate everything I thought I would ever have in my life.  I’m on a journey, just like we all are.  I’ve stumbled and took misdirection, only to end up exactly where I am supposed to be.  The road is in front of me, and it’s up to me to travel it.  So I am.  I think I purge a lot of the sadness through my writing and it enables me to concentrate on the positive things in my life.

Will you ever publish Arizona Chronicles as a book?

Make me an offer.

Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend and if not can you contact me?

With the exception of a drunken grope in a foreign country, I am decidedly straight.  I appreciate your offer, but there is someone very special in my life.  If things fall through, I’ll be sure to look you up.  Your one sentence email is definitely intriguing and says a lot about you as a romantic partner and/or lover.  That is what you had in mind isn’t it?  I’d hate to assume you were looking for a hook up rather than your next victim.

Why don’t you write more about your kid?

She is mortified enough by my antics.  She hates when I share a story about her or tell someone something funny she said.  Trust me, she is funny and witty and I could write about her ad nauseam.  I have given her enough material to resent and blog about me someday, I do not want to add fuel to that fire.  She can be relentless.  Not unlike her mother.

You should write more observational blogs about current events.

I have a lot to say about a variety of subjects, I just choose to write about what comes to my swirly mind.  Maybe someday there will be a theme to this blog, but until then I’ll just spew out whatever I feel like.  I’m not one at a loss for words, unless it’s affairs of the heart.  Then I am a spiraling, simpering wimp of inarticulate phrases and confusing statements.

Why did you name your blog cold dead heart?  It does not make sense.

It does to me and the person who inspired me to write in this forum.  It is meant to be ironical.  Because he turned my heart to a melted puddle of emotion a long time ago.

What insect do you most identify with?  (what a great question)

Is a spider an insect?  I know technically an arachnid and I am terrified of them and do not hesitate to kill them with a glee only reserved for true homicidal maniacs.  That being said, they hang around in the corner observing everything around them and spinning and spinning.





Keep sending your emails, your statements, critiques and questions.  I enjoy the feedback, good or bad and ugly.  Write to me at

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