A Christmas Carol

21 Dec

Christmas Whore

It’s that time of year
Time to spread my (pause)
Holiday Cheer
Jingle bells far and wide
In my work I take great pride

While some families trim their trees
I do my part on my knees
Lifting spirits and my dress
I provide a buffet of goodness

CHORUS:
I’m gonna bone
Santa
The wise men
Donner and Blitzen
The carolers down the block
All I want is Christmas c***
It’s time to sell my a**
In the alley after mass
It’s never a holiday chore
Being a Christmas whore.

You may choose to deck the halls
I prefer decking (pause)
Something entirely not related to rum balls
It’s not a holiday
Unless it’s the season for a lay

I won’t work on chaunaka
Winter solstice or Kwanza,
I do my part to celebrate
I give more than fruitcake

CHORUS:

I’m gonna bone
Jackfrost
The Mail Man
Even Father Damien
The carolers down the block
All I want is Christmas c***
It’s time to sell my a**
In the alley after mass
It’s never a seasonal bore
To be a Christmas whore.

I don’t need Mistletoe
It’s with great glee I’ll give a (pause)
Special holiday with all the trimmings job of blow
You won’t see me standing in a line
I’ll be on my back by dinner time

You won’t need to follow a star
I’m perched on a stool in a bar
Waiting for an offer of cash
In the car we will dash

I don’t want no frankincense
Pies of pumpkin and of mince
I don’t want to open a gift
Only one thing gives my spirit’s a lift

I wanna bone
The twelve drummers
Eleven pipers pipes
Ten lords need a ride
The carolers down the block
All I want is Christmas c***
It’s time to sell my a**
In the alley after mass
Tis the season to adore.
Being a Christmas whore.

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5 Responses to “A Christmas Carol”

  1. DaPoet December 23, 2010 at 10:15 am #

    LOL 🙂

  2. Cold Dead Heart December 23, 2010 at 3:21 pm #

    Not entirely appropriate..but I’m sure if you sang it to a cute lil tune it’s perfect for the holidays. 🙂 thanks for the feedback

    • DaPoet December 24, 2010 at 8:23 am #

      Your welcome…Having been sick for the last several days your poem was one of the few bright spots and made me laugh…

  3. lazfreedman December 23, 2010 at 9:27 pm #

    Great poem…Cold Dead Heart
    Peace to you, 🙂 Happy holidays as well
    Laz

  4. Cold Dead Heart December 23, 2010 at 10:06 pm #

    Thank you Laz…let’s hope for a happy 2011.

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