Even at my age, I think there’s room not to take life too seriously. Call it a midlife crisis, but I put purple highlights in my hair. I did it for
no other reason but I wanted to. I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately, what is it that I really want? There was a time in my life, when
I dared not ask myself that question. It seemed too selfish.
But as the years wane away, and as I face my own mortality and limitations, I recognize how fleeting perfect moments are. Life is dotted with
stresses and tragedies, like millions of stars in the sky. It’s those stars we pay attention too, because they are the most visible. But the dark matter,
the space between those dots of light, that’s where the contentment, peace and happiness dwell. I have finally figured out that happiness is a choice
you make. Not forcing yourself to be happy in unhappy circumstances, but actively seeking out what will bring that joy to your life. Such joy
that the unhappy pales in comparison.
I watched this show called the Wonders of the Universe. It reminded me how inconsequential life is and how finite it all will be. Stars will be born, stars will collapse, and yet
the universe will whirl around it. It reminded me that the choices I make today will one day not matter in the scheme of things. I will have to face consequences, but it is
all temporary. I can let go of the past, dying stars of who I use to be, and emerge a new brighter version of me.
Now I can have purple hair, and I can open my heart fully and risk the greater hurt. I can pursue what makes me happy without guilt. I can laugh every day because
there is joy. I can let go.
The Hindus believe in destruction, there emerges new life. There must be the eternal sequences of death and rebirth. So here I am reborn, better than before. With purple hair.