This morning the sun was hidden behind a veil of thick clouds and the wind blew cool Fall air. I began my walk in the park, one I have done many times, with no destination in mind. I listen to my music loud and I try to clear my mind. I’ve never been the type to enjoy exercise, but lately I am learning to love it. Every exhale is a negative thought, every inhale is gratitude for what is good. I listen to the lyrics in the music, and I write a dozen stories in my head, I rewrite painful realities in my life and every one of them has a happy ending.
This morning, long after my calves ached and my arches burned, I kept going. The breeze blew my hair and I felt buoyed by it. I was carried away and didn’t want it to end. Each person who passed, waved and said good morning and I returned their greeting. We were all on that road for various reasons, but we were all determined to complete whatever goal we had set for ourself.
I kept going when songs made me nearly weep with ache. I kept going when my lungs burned. I kept going even when I wondered why I bothered. One morning does not change all the others that follow, I thought. But this morning, I was driven by things other than myself and I kept walking. One hour turned into two, and finally, at the end, when I could see the parking lot, I called enough.
I felt strong and determined. I felt confident in happy endings. I felt grateful for sheer exhaustion. Grateful for every second of every minute I’ve been happy. Buoyed by the wind and the eternal hope it will never end.