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And I’ve walked

5 Sep

This morning the sun was hidden behind a veil of thick clouds and the wind blew cool Fall air.  I began my walk in the park, one I have done many times, with no destination in mind.  I listen to my music loud and I try to clear my mind.  I’ve never been the type to enjoy exercise, but lately I am learning to love it.  Every exhale is a negative thought, every inhale is gratitude for what is good.  I listen to the lyrics in the music, and I write a dozen stories in my head, I rewrite painful realities in my life and every one of them has a happy ending.

This morning, long after my calves ached and my arches burned, I kept going.  The breeze blew my hair and I felt buoyed by it.  I was carried away and didn’t want it to end.  Each person who passed, waved and said good morning and I returned their greeting.  We were all on that road for various reasons, but we were all determined to complete whatever goal we had set for ourself.

I kept going when songs made me nearly weep with ache.  I kept going when my lungs burned.  I kept going even when I wondered why I bothered.  One morning does not change all the others that follow, I thought.  But this morning, I was driven by things other than myself and  I kept walking.  One hour turned into two, and finally, at the end, when I could see the parking lot, I called enough.

I felt strong and determined.  I felt confident in happy endings.  I felt grateful for sheer exhaustion.   Grateful for every second of every minute I’ve been happy.  Buoyed by the wind and the eternal hope it will never end.