I’ve been venturing out more. Shaking off the blanket that protected me from a non-existent winter and exploring more. I’ve been photographing my exploits and taking in the new experiences. I became far too dormant, too much time waiting for something else to happen, that life passed by me with a quickness that took my breath away. It’s June already and I can’t fathom how I lost Spring.
This last weekend I went to an amusement park. Quite amusing for me, considering I’ve never been one to enjoy baking in the hot sun while riding nausea inducing rides and roller coasters. Yet, I decided to give it a try, to at least convince myself that I’m not lingering in middle age-dom. Before we arrived, I swore off any roller coasters. I shook my head and stamped my foot and declared I would not ever, and I mean ever, get on one. What’s the point? To be scared? I’ve lived a life, I don’t need more things to scare me.
But there I was, and for some reason I felt braver. I felt empowered. I stood in a line for a roller coaster, a real wooden one, and I let them strap me into the demon contraption. I took a deep breath and then closed my eyes as panic set in. Before I could even scream, I was thrust forward at a break neck speed and felt every bump and turn as my body bounced in my seat. I was riding a roller coaster. Not happily. Not really enjoying it. But I was doing it.
Then came another, decidedly less exciting, but still a roller coaster and this time I opened my eyes. I saw the track before me and I felt the wind on my face and felt the flutter in my stomach and I laughed. It was not of pure joy. Being that terrified of speed prevented that emotion, but it was relief. Relief that there was this deep fear I had held inside and in a moment I had tossed it in yesterday’s neurotic trash. I was afraid, but I did it anyway.
I stood in line three more times for rides that terrified me. I enjoyed them as best I could. The last roller coaster had me trembling so hard my teeth chattered. But I was proud of myself. I had done something I never thought I would do. I laughed my way through all of them. Probably to keep from shrieking in terror or crying. I had left my comfort zone and discovered, much to my amazement, I could return to it relatively unscathed.
I know there’s all sorts of metaphors for this sort of thing. I know there’s something profound in a moment such as this. But I decided not to over analyze it. Just in that one day, at that one time, I ventured into the scary forest. Maybe if I return to the same theme park I will stick with bumper cars. I don’t believe I need to be frightened into realizing life is worth living and enjoying. But it’s nice to be reminded that fears are meant to be conquered.
Unless it’s fear of spiders.
Tags: amusement park, childhood, Creative, death, entertainment, fear, happiness, photography, roller coaster, spiders, Summer, Travel, writing